Can someone please explain to me how all these people are telling me I’ve changed when they never even knew me in the first place?
We probably can all relate to the sentence above and connect it to at least one incident in our lives. If I had to pick one thing that makes my hackles RISE it is people belting out the whole “You’ve changed so much!”. There is nothing wrong with people using that line IF it is used in the right context. If someone has lost a couple of pounds then by all means that sentence is yours to cherish. The problem arises when one uses it in a harsh and negative manner. People change. People grow. People move on. Since when did this ideology come along that someone had to behave in one manner for the rest of their lives? The old quote arises when I think of this topic: “Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” As we move through life we are presented with different opportunities, different incidents, different difficulties. Our mindset HAS to change for different situations. Incidents are placed in life so we learn from them and become better people. When I was younger all my mum used to say to me was “Everything happens for a reason”. I used to hate it. I thought it was her way of saying that this Princess Max wasn’t destined to be mine even though ALL of my friends owned one. But when I look back to it I think about it more deeply. It may just be a worn out and recycled phrase that we use to make other people feel remotely better about themselves but have we ever actually realised the meaning behind it? When we look back to any incident in our lives and how we handled it, the reality is that it shaped our future. Every argument, every opportunity, every decision affects us later on. Life is an eternal learning process and some of us seem to forget that. People do not stay the same forever. Incidents will change them. Temporarily or permanently. Who are we to hold people back from LIVING?
TIME FOR A STORY. There was a girl I know very well who had a decent bunch of friends. However as time progressed she didn’t feel comfortable with these “friends”. She felt like absolute sh** around them and best friends wouldn’t purposely make a friend feel worthless… would they? So after the whole Mean Girls fight the girl moved on. Found better friends. People who cared about her, made her laugh, made her much more positive. So the
lovely Regina George came back into the picture. She obviously did not like the fact that her so called best friend was getting on pretty well without her. Why not? She wasn’t prone to “people changing”. Although the girl thought she upgraded in terms of friendship Regina did not think so. It was more (according to her) dropping from an A-List to a Z-List celebrity. And I’m sure there have been many instances similar to this. People will change and blossom for the better or worse. But if you’re throwing out the old “You’ve chaaaaaaaanged!!!” to them I am 100% sure you don’t have your priorities sorted.
Since when was life caring about other people’s advancements, other people’s opportunities, other people’s problems? Caring for them in a good way is fabulous. Saying it in a spiteful way to make the person feel apprehensive about how they live their lives is pretty damn rude.
After all the Quran (Muslim Holy Book) states:
|يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا لَا يَسْخَرْ قَوْمٌ مِّن قَوْمٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُونُوا خَيْرًا مِّنْهُمْ وَلَا نِسَاءٌ مِّن نِّسَاءٍ عَسَىٰ أَن يَكُنَّ خَيْرًا مِّنْهُنَّ وَلَا تَلْمِزُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَلَا تَنَابَزُوا بِالْأَلْقَابِ بِئْسَ الِاسْمُ الْفُسُوقُ بَعْدَ الْإِيمَانِ وَمَن لَّمْ يَتُبْ فَأُولَٰئِكَ هُمُ الظَّالِمُونَ
O You who have chosen to be graced with belief! No folk shall make mockery of other folk, for they may be better than they are. Nor shall any women ridicule other women, for they may be better than they are. And neither shall you defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. Bad is the immoral name after attaining faith. And whoever turns not, such are the wrongdoers. (49:11)
We know only God can judge so let’s all stick to being nice and non-judgmental and live in a word full of peace, harmony, rainbows, glitter and all things sweet.
Pacifist of the year.